The Intricate Design of Love
by BadassCrazy
Summary: He found a way to make it better, he made her feel like she still had someone to live for. Someone who cared enough to give a damn about her. That she was not alone in this world. That if something happened to her, he would notice. FUTURE FIC.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: ** I own nothing.

* * *

**THE INTRICATE DESIGN OF LOVE**

She gets the call in the middle of rehearsal.

And after what seems like an endless cab ride. She's at Bellevue Hospital demanding information and causing a scene at the front desk.

She doesn't know how she makes it through the hall and then onto some elevator, or the encouraging words the nurse in lilac scrubs offers. She's obviously trying to bring her out of the state of despair she is in. She picks up something about an operating room and a blood type. So she shakes her head and utters the words ab positive. _Her blood's no use_, which is completely ironic considering it is the very reason why she was called in the first place.

There's a sigh, some more words that completely escape Rachel, and the nurse is opening the door, she now realizes they were standing in front of.

There are quiet sobs coming from a bed. She can't see her face at first, but she can see her little shoulders shake. The first thing she notices is the cast that apparently is covering her left arm. She walks in further into the room, and she sees another nurse with a silly pattern of some popular cartoon she's seen before but can't exactly recall, cleaning a nasty cut in the little girl's forehead. She tries to regain as much composure as she can, and looks quickly up and down the short frame, looking for any other sign of damage.

There's none. She's okay._Beth's okay._

_You're okay. You're okay. _Rachel has to cover her mouth, when she sees the hazel eyes instantly fill with tears at the sight of her. And suddenly is like she's pulled back into the real world.

She doesn't ask if she can, she just picks her up and lets Beth bury her face as they both sob quietly, finding comfort in each other.

Rachel loses track of time. But at some point she registers they're alone. And all they can do is wait for someone. She knows it's bad, but she doesn't know _how_ bad. Rachel feels completely helpless. She's not prepared for this. She never thought she'd have to be.

The nurse who scorted her earlier comes back in quietly, and lets her know there's a doctor who wants to talk to her.

Rachel doesn't need to ask and the nurse doesn't elaborate. And since Beth has already fallen asleep, she leans down to kiss the little girl's forehead and steps out into the hall as quietly as she can.

She wraps her arms around her body, bracing herself for the news.

The doctor's blue scrubs have blood spattered and she can't help but cringe at what that might mean. She's certain he came straight out of wherever Shelby or Will are. He introduces himself as the attending responisble and pauses to confirm her relation to the patients. Then he starts talking fast, giving details of the accident and the damage it caused. She heard tidbits of this from the nurse, but she wasn't really paying much attention to the specifics. Then he says what she's been dreading since she got the call.

Death. Will is dead .A major artery was ruptured, and he died on the operating table . There are more words, but that's what she gathers. She nods trying to choke back the sobs as much as she can to keep the doctor talking.

Shelby apparently is about to go into surgery. She can tell it's bad, really bad, and the odds don't sound so good. But her mother is asking to see her before she goes in.

She nods and follows the doctor. They take the elevator, and he hands her a surgical mask once they're outside.

There's a couple of people inside working on her mother . They all look up to see the doctor and file out of the room quietly.

Two minutes is all they're given.

When Shelby looks at her. Rachel feels her heart break all over again. She's going to die, and she was just waiting for her. She knows. _She's always been a little psychic._

And the words that come out of her mouth just confirm it.

Shelby is asking her to do something. Something Rachel asked of her years ago. Something Shelby denied her back then. Something Shelby never really got to be for her. She wants her to look after Beth. _To be a mother._

Rachel knows she has every right to deny her this request. _Especially this one_. She's young, she's supposed to have time to make it all happen. She can't take care of Beth. Not like that. Not like her mother wants her to.

She's just a girl herself. How is she supposed to take care of another human being when she can barely take care of herself? She's made it through thin, black, and worse. She's been to hell and back. She's selfish, she's flawed, disfunctional. She's been here before. She knows she's not fit for this role. Especially not for this girl

_A girl that she wished didn't exist at some point, a girl she resented, a girl she learned to love just the same. A girl she's been spoiling for years and that doesn't know any family outside of her. A girl that's the flesh of blood of the only man she's eve truly loved. Of the same man she refused to have a child with._

___A girl who in a world less than perfect, but not as screwed up as this one, would've been hers. A world where Noah was her highschool sweetheart and she was the young ingenue that she used to envision herself as. The cherished and loved girl, with the perfect family, ready to start one of her own with the man she loved._

But she's not. And her reality is far from that childish fantasy. She's been stripped of everything. But now so has Beth. Their worlds are crumbling down, and she can't leave the little girl in the wreckage by herself. _She can't._

So she holds her mother's hand tightly and promises to take care of Beth with her very own life. She punctuates each word with a heavy breath. Shelby doesn't even have to talk, her eyes say it all. And Rachel nods. She forgave her a long time ago.

_I love you mom. _And just like that, the moment's over.

Looking back, Rachel will say it was over too soon. They needed more time. _But when has life ever been fair to Rachel?_

_The beeping stops, and the ominous prolonged sound fills the room. A group of people burst in cue, And she's pushed outside, as they try to work on the corpse of her mother. She doesn't wait. She doesn't want to see. She doesn't have to._

She's gone, it's futile. Shelby's dead.

This isn't the life she wanted, but Beth didn't have a choice in this matter either.

And in the midst of all the grief and the devastation of losing people she loves once again, Rachel can only think of him.

_Noah_

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked it. This is just a glimpse. Story is set 6 years after they graduate. Which means Beth is eight years old. Puck and Rachel are 25/24. Things will shape up pretty soon. I promise. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: ** **I own nothing.**

* * *

Knowing you're alone in the world is very different from trying to live in a world on your own.

They sound like they're the same, and Rachel thinks they are, until the crude reality starts knocking at her door. And there are decisions to make, things to take care of, people to call, lawyers to deal with, and an eight year old girl who's now completely dependent on her.

The company gives her two weeks off to deal with everything. But at the rate things are going she starts considering the possibility that two weeks might not be enough. It's even starting to look like coming back to the show at all might not be a viable option anymore. At least not until things have settled down.

And she has no idea when that will be.

It would've been really easy for her to sink into a spiraling depression. Not only has her biological mother died, but her death is very reminiscent of her fathers' death a couple of years ago. _She's not sure if she'll ever be comfortable being behind a wheel after this but she's grateful she lives in New York and she if she chose to she wouldn't have to do it again. _It's hard of her not to remember how awful it was the first time around. How broken and devastated she had been. But it's also impossible not remembering she at least had _him_ back then. That he had found a way to make it better, he made her feel she still had someone to live for. Someone who cared and gave a damn about her. To make her remember she wasn't as alone in this world as she felt.

Ironically, Beth quickly takes her father's place as Rachel source of energy. She doesn't stop to think how fucked up it is, or the implications, consequences or anything of the sort. She decides she can't stop to think about it right now. She needs to be proactive, she needs to start making lists and plans, and think of the future. Their future.

For a selfish woman like Rachel, trying to include someone else when making plans should not be easy as it is. But even though Beth doesn't fit her lifestyle, and she's what she thought she'd never have, it's not hard planning a life around her. What's hard is thinking of all the things she might have to give up to make it happen. And the fear that she might grow to resent the girl later on.

Shelby and Will's lawyer starts taking care of the adoption process. He assures Rachel the process will flow nicely, and it's just all a bunch of paperwork anyways, mere formalities. Rachel was stipulated in their testament as Beth's temporary guardian in case something happened to Will and Shelby. And if she accepted she would automatically be granted full custody. They didn't have much, other than the small property in New Jersey and a bank account they had set up as a fund to cover Beth's college education, there's only the insurance money. Some of it will cover for the funeral expenses and she has arranged for the rest to be deposited in the bank account.

She's grateful money's not a problem. She would not consider herself by any means rich. But her father didn't exactly leave her stranded. She still has money from the college fund she never got to use. And she's been doing really well for the past two years. She can afford leaving work temporarily. But she hopes it doesn't come down to that.

Will's parents are heaven-sent. They decide to respect their son's wish to be buried in New Jersey. And even though she knows they are aching, and probably more than she is. _Burying a child is going against nature_. She feels relieved. She swore she'd never go back to Lima after her fathers died. And she intends to keep that promise. There's nothing there, but the pity, the judgment and the questions, she is in no way interested in facing. And despite the grief and the heartbreak, Will's father takes over most of the arrangements as soon as they arrive to the city. His mother even offers to spend time with Beth and give her a little break.

Rachel declines the offer at first. But after another restless night with just two hours of sleep, she agrees. There are things she still has to take care of.

And only she can do them. No one else.

She doesn't consult with the lawyer or asks for advice, but it feels like the right thing to do. At least that is what she tells herself when she goes through her contact list and spots the phone number she has not dialed in years.

"Hello Finn." She clears her throat a bit loud.

"Rachel?" He sounds so different, so grown up, like a makes Rachel smile for a moment, until she remember the reason why she's calling. She decides to keep it simple, but it is far from simple. Will was not just any high school teacher. And before Burt came into his life, he was the only father figure her old love had. Of course he is devastated and before she knows it, she's sobbing quietly into the phone, wanting the call to be over and asking for the other two numbers she needs.

Her second call goes slightly better than her first. She's glad that it is Sam who answers the phone. She definitely keeps it short this time. And she basically explains him that she thought Quinn would like to know. Sam is awkward as it is to be expected, but assures Rachel he will relay everything's she's said to his wife as soon as possible.

She hasn't seen either since graduation. At some point Quinn and her stopped hating each other in high school but they never grew close. And Sam, well he was always Quinn's, _and going down that path once was enough for Rachel_.She can't pretend to know the first thing about her after six years, but if she is anything like the girl Rachel met once, Quinn will not call back. _She doesn't want her to._

Rachel decides to take a little break after her last call and dials Jesse's number instead. She knows she should've called him earlier, but with everything that has been going on, it just kept slipping her mind. He's baffled and completely heartbroken like most of her mother's friends. He promises he's jumping on the first plane to New York. She doesn't know if that's supposed to make her feel better. And she is not ready to admit it out loud, but it kind of does.

Jesse and she are by no means close friends. He was close to Shelby so when her mother came back into her life, Jesse just happened to pop in every now and then. No hard feelings, but not longing or sparks either. They were just two people who happened to have a lot in common and who could be polite and cordial to each other during whatever Shelby thing they were attending. They didn't keep in touch, but they didn't avoid each other. So maybe it's the nostalgia, the reminder, and the fact that he probably got know her mother better than she ever did is what makes her feel more than okay after she hangs up.

She is a wreck when she realizes she can't keep distracting herself with other things, and that she has to call Noah.

She has not spoken to him in three years. Not since the day he walked out on a single call or text or note or anything. He left and she didn't go after him. But how could she? She couldn't make him forgive her. Not when she didn't regret her decision.

She wonders if this is life's way of laughing at her.

Because here she is, the same woman who had once refused to carry his child completely committed to raise a girl carrying his blood but not hers, as her own.

The phone rings and rings. And after a few tries, Rachel realizes she can only leave a message. In her head she leaves this impersonal message explaining the recent events and the reason of her call.

In reality she can only stammer a few sentences.

"_Shelby and Will...they, they were in an accident. the doctors couldn't and they, they're gone. Beth's okay, she's perfect, nothing happened to her, she's with me. I thought you should know."_

After she hangs up. She thinks this was a terrible idea. She knows him, as soon as he gets that message he's coming.

He's coming after her. He's coming for Beth.


End file.
